I'm not going to lie I've been feeling the feels lately, it feels narly as hell. I've recently committed to myself on all levels and once I made it shit started to get real. I'll post a bit about that at a later date,
I don't know if anyone else is experiencing this but it's like all the old timelines are shutting down simultaneously but I'm having to be in them as they close, I'm questioning myself am I having another mental health episode or losing the plot but when I look at my day I'm hyper focused and getting shit down, it's like I'm witnessing all my destructive habits and shifting them almost like an out of body experience hovering over my body witnessing then actioning the shift.
The pain and suffering seems to be actually just letting go of that old identity, the one who wanted to stay in the victim longer, who isn't ready to put themselves back out there, who wants to lock up his heart and throw away the key and push everyone away so he never has to feel vulnerable again.
But everytime I sit down to mope, everytime I feel the contractions in my body the feelings are intensified, I can't run from them I need to feel my way through them.
For those of you that don't know me I've always had confidence issues especially around relationships and money.
For some reason in the past whenever I had them, it didn't last for long or I ended up in deep pain.
So I created stories that it's not safe to be vulnerable and I'm not responsible with large amounts of money.
So I created a cap 80k plus was safe but never above 200k whenever I got close I sabotaged. I was comfortable I didn't need more, I didn't need to be greedy is what I told myself.
180k to be precise is the amount as that's what I got paid out for my apartment and it felt great for about a week then everything in my world crumbled.
My relationship broke down, I lost my home, a business I'd put my heart and soul into for two years plus I invested in a lemon of a car lost about 50k in crypto, had over committed financially and got a tax bill that I wasn't ready for.
So this experience anchored in that I wasn't good enough for success or love.
However what's stirring as I fully commit to me is my cap of 200k a year income is busting open plus i'm falling in love with myself again which is giving me a deep sense of knowing that one day soon someone will see me and go that's my man.
The truth is I'm not ready as parts of me still feel worthless like I'll be a burden or just let someone down again but the higher part of me is loving so hard on those parts that they are dissolving back into the ether.
As I said whatever is happening it feels fucking nearly. The thing is I always level up just as I'm about to rise in leadership and I'm learning to own that I am an authority in health.
Like I honestly know my shit through both formal study and life experience.
I've come to the realization that people's health is the number one thing that holds them back from everything they desire..
Confidence, relationships, the Lifestyle and business they want it all comes back to leaks in one of their bodies physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.
It's my time now to own that I can help those that are ready to regain the vitality like they used to have as I have down this for myself.
It honestly feels fucking amazing and terrifying at the same time to feel so alive.
I've already got my first 5 signed up for my 12 month Living The F*cking Dream 12 month mentorship program so still have another 5 founders spots.
So if you are reading this and getting a fuck yeah and your ready for rapid change and accountability and you think I'd be the right mentor for you just reach out and we can get this party started.
Let the good times roll haha.
Creating Radically Fulfilled Humans
Nicholas Fairbairn
CHEK Practitioner
Integrative Health Coach